The Relationship History Lookback.

Audio: A Fine Frenzy – Near To You

I’ve been looking through my old stuff and blog posts today and I took note on what Grace did recently; she very honestly note to me at Beth’s birthday party the other day… well…

Basically what she said was this: Calvin, you’ve been around.

Then in true best-friend-cum-ex-girlfriend manner she listed the names of people since late high school.

So I was a little girl-crazed. And that (and she knows this) did not end even after the months with Grace. Even time in ministry didn’t “cure” this.

It took me a wrong relationship choice (and series of choices) to actually knock myself in the head and realise what I’ve been doing wrong.

It took God to knock me in the head, really.

Then He slowly allowed me to re-examine my previous experiences and how they’ve put me, 21 years young, in a much better place than, well, 18-year old Calvin.

I realised that out of out of the many, only very few have been able to teach me a few lessons of my own.

(Grace? yes, she still teaches me lessons, trust me)

From these very few, one was the one I made the wrong choices with and was unequally yoked.

That lesson was from God to me, straight on.

But I’d like to touch on two people today whose lives they led influenced me and wowed me, even to today.

Person One.

This girl in college I strongly pursued, albeit knowing she liked another (who has feelings for her in return, and was waiting for her). They weren’t officially together at the time so at eighteen I figured what the heck.

She was one of the first people to convince me to stop the cigarettes.

She was a strong, Godly woman.

I was intrigued by this person, and mostly, in hindsight, by her faith and faithfulness: especially in knowing how not to be unequally yoked.

I wasn’t a church-going person. At that time, I believed but I didn’t bother. I was out to live life to the full in another direction and she knew that.

She told me that God will help me get out of bad-for-health habits.
She told me she prays for me. (That I totally fell heads over heels for)

So we went out a few times. Lunches at college, and as more as she shared her life with me I began to realise that living life to the full wasn’t much what I did after all.

Now to the bad part. I knew she had this other guy, but I played my cards and we got emotionally entangled anyway.

I also knew she never had a slow-dance before.

We planned senior prom together.

There was the win, thought I, back then.

So I went up to her and asked her for a dance. Her FIRST dance. And then I whisked her away after the soft songs died down and we sat somewhere quiet. She was tired and leaned on me, and we talked. And I asked about who she was involved with.

She admitted she was confused.

But I didn’t ask her to be with me. I didn’t insist. I didn’t go Meredith Grey and say pick me, pick me!

Instead, I asked her things like: Who do you love? Who suits you best? That’s who you go for.

And two weeks later she got together with the guy who waited for her.

I gutted myself for not insisting.

But then doing that, I may not have been led to Person Two.

This one was a very public, but at the same time, very private and personal year-plus long tango which everyone has either heard a snippet, guessed who it was, or seen us together, that’s the public part.

The personal part was that I wasn’t ready, and neither was she.

This one involved a lot of drama, and totally put me off dramatic relationships for, well, life.

She taught me how to fall in love. There. I said it. Those three words though never got to her (until now when I tell it to the world).

But indirectly, she did teach me a few other things:

Early on as I first left for Australia, the distance and the presence of ‘competition’ from a good friend convinced me, at one point, to give her up. I heard he told her and she reacted positively. So that was end-game for me.

She taught me to let go, and let God.

And He has a wicked sense of humour.

I let her go, and not very long later she spilled about what really happened between her and our good friend. And no, she did not feel the same way.

And so I deduced, if she doesn’t like him, she likes…

And after awhile I told her how I felt.

And she said the same.

Then the long distance in-between began. It climaxed when I literally ran home from Melbourne at the start of the summer break just to see her.

I had to admit that first days back was the high of my life. And then it all went back to Earth.

This was because there was deep emotional entanglement coexisting with limited boundaries and not-settled-yet decisions.

We were the ultimate in betweens.

End story, she had to decide for us and said no, just before the end of my break.

That, kinda… well… Sucked. At the time. But I thank God for that decision.

Hard pill to swallow, it was, but it was harder for the one who said it, rather than the one who heard it. Speaks loads about her strength, maturity and faithfulness to go through with the hard decisions…

…Characters that I adore and try to emulate even today.

Looking back, one thought which came to my head was maybe I wasn’t man enough to insist or ask, or persist at the beginning, much like the situation with Person One…

But I thank God for making me chicken the first two times because in a nutshell… Person One and Two made me a better person for Person Three.

His plan was flawless, and the rest they say, is history. Right, Mel? (:

Rewind Two Years…

Audio: Israel and New Breed – Friend Of God

I’ve been looking through my old writings and what really caught my eye amongst the numerous competition entry essays, presentation speeches and random emo stories and even my old Calvin Tay Year In Reviews, was this little piece entitled The Glory of Love (yes, I named it after the song by Peter Cetera) which I penned down in Form Five, for my final English Oral presentation.

Notice the hopeless, uber-naive and teenage-hormonal levels of well, bubblegum-pop puppy love-ness. Oh its so good to reminisce about the days when you used to stutter in front of the girl you liked and all that.

Do remember, I wrote this in Form 5, and as I look back, even I am unsatisfied with the writing flair and all that, but I OH SO love the levels of sweetness in this piece of writing.

Enjoy.

As in the words of the Peter Cetera, I am a man who would fight for your honour. No, not only me, I’m referring to all of us in general. It is a long time fairytale, where a knight in shining armour saves the world, whisks away the fair maiden and thus lives happily ever after. I would like to ask you this, what makes us take the boldest of steps, say the sweetest of words, yet drive us to make the worst of mistakes? Well everyone, it is love.

Love, described as passionate, undying feelings for someone or something, is what has driven humans throughout history to take that extra step, and go towards the impossible. It is an eternal flame that burns in your heart every day, every hour every minute, and every second of your life. It is unavoidable, delicate, and most importantly, it brings the utmost promises of happiness and pleasure, yet can strike immense pain and sorrow in an instant.

Love may not be just between a guy and a girl; it may be from a mother to a son, a player to his game, a lawyer to his practice, and a soldier to his comrades. But I today would like to concentrate on the one we could ALL relate to.

Take a few examples here, my fellow classmates. What made Romeo commit suicide? Juliet. What made Clark Kent run a thousand miles to pull a car from a tornado? Lana Lang. What made Landon change his attitude for the better in a Walk to Remember? Jamie. What caused Sebastian’s death? No, it wasn’t really the car, it was Annette. Love is powerful; it can change one’s world, yet it could also destroy it.

Love for the opposite sex is sometimes misinterpreted by today’s community and media. You don’t love someone just because you want him or her in your bed. It is all about chemistry. In our case, it is how well both of you could communicate, how much can’t you both live without each other, and how right the both of you are together. There may be mismatches and total opposites but even those work out. Any couple can have sparks fly and hormones race every time they see each other, but without communication and trust, nothing works. Love is the true fusion of sparks and friendship, a little of both, but not too much of one.

In order to portray or maintain love, one must never stop trying. Love is fickle, yet long lasting, but most importantly, it touches you where it truly matters. Someone may just cry as they stare at the ceiling the whole night, heart in tremendous pain or happiness, just because he is thinking of her. It has to be a team effort of two, to keep the flame of passion, understanding, trust and time together. It isn’t easy work, just ask anyone.

Love is full of hidden significance. They drive people to do such tiny things which may just bring out the sweetest of meanings. Like buying a 5 dollar teddy bear on Valentines and telling her you didn’t eat a day’s recess for it. Call up in the middle of the night just to hear each other keep silent, as if waiting for each other to start a conversation. Going out in a group, yet paying such demure attention to only him or her. Give an undying number of hints in such tiny amounts at a time just to keep the other wondering in excitement. Sit on railings not talking to one another, yet just to stare at the sky and be thankful to God for the presence of the one beside you. Not avoiding the fact that you can make a mishap, only to ask for forgiveness in the most romantic way. Or just go up at anytime, say hi and smile, and watch her smile back, then feel your heart melt away.

In love, some may strive for moments when the both of you can just lie in each others arms, hand in hand, heart to heart. In some other times one may just claim to know what the other has in her thoughts, only to say the wrong thing and then burst out laughing, or say the right thing and end up kissing. The result of such effort is extremely worth it, but believe me, the only thing you will remember is how you got there in the first place. It is when a guy persuades a girl, planning meticulously in order for them to be alone in the sweetest of circumstances, and then confess what his heart has carried for a long while. The result may be the happiest or saddest thing that has happened in his life, but it is the precious memory, the hearty effort and the look on her face when you pop the words.

Yes, it is dreamy, but the romance lives in your life no matter what. The best people in love are not the superstars, not the actors, but the ones who take the effort to live out a life full of passion, romance and most of all, love and put them all into not only their lives, but into the lives of others. That is the true glory of love.